Doms and Depression

About this post

At first look, it was just latex, whips, chains and rough sex.

I didn’t picture it being an integral part of my life, let alone the only type of life I wanted and yearned to live.

domsdep-shiny-newIt was through a social network, Twitter, that I piqued the interest of one of my followers via one of the daily topics about sex where I used words like, “Punish” and “Dominate”. A bit of a convo in my DMs led to me being expose to a kink blog.

Through the reading, I related deeply to the male main character. His shoes were mine. His thoughts were mine. I was him.

No lie, some of the things caught me by surprise but they also excited me. The control. The responsibility. The after care. The domination. That was me.

I started researching more, reading more and fitting my character to figure out what type of Dom I am.

The same follower, who introduced me to BDSM, became my sub. I trained her, I guided her, she was Mine. The experience was thrilling. It was a discovery I embraced and loved. I felt I finally found myself.

I could go back to vanilla relationships, but it wasn’t something I was looking to do again.

I had to relinquish my sub from what I thought was a bad space but it was actually depression.

Fast forward to meeting the person I regard as the love of my life. We were good as vanilla but astoundingly great as D/s. I loved her before she became my sub and loved her more as my sub. She was in my care, in my control; she was Mine.

I was her first Dom, she was my second sub in my life. We learnt about each other as people and more so in our roles. We grew together. We even joined BDSM groups to further our knowledge and strengthen our holistic relationship.

I fell into what doctors describe as clinical depression. My psychiatrist, mentioned that I’ve had it for a long time in my life but I didn’t know I was depressed and discarded it as fatigue.

I miss my sub.

I have thus learnt that depression affects not only the person but whoever cares AND is in their care.

domsdep-black-heartYour responsibility as a Dom is critical in your sub’s life and well being. You are to lead your sub. In the same breath, you are human as well. You will encounter life’s problems. And as much as you are to be a fearless leader in your sub’s eyes, being human and vulnerable is nothing to be ashamed of. Let your sub serve you the best way they can. They are not there only to serve your hunger as a Dom only, they are there to serve the human being they trusted with their lives.

Losing a sub you love and had fallen in love with is a hard pill to swallow. I learnt the hard way & I urge all Doms that, never forget your sub’s role in your D/s relationship but most importantly, NEVER for one second think any human weakness is a threat to your control over them.

I have thus managed to get therapy and a number of friends who listen and understand my depression. I fight it daily but I wish I knew a sub will fight side by side with me as much as she’ll kneel to me, she was always my pillar of strength.