How I Learned to be Dominant Without Someone Actively Submitting to Me

About this post

I had an old theory that I was “not a Dom unless someone was actively submitting to me.” Well, I have found that to be false.

I am Dominant because I express dominant qualities and character traits and strive to be in control. This is true regardless of whether or not someone is submitting to me.

Before this realization, the statement “I will dominate/control anyone who allows me” made me feel like I was dependent on the sub “making” me or worse yet, “validating” me as a Dominant.

Now I understand that I don’t need anyone submitting to me. The mere fact that I am selective in doing the domination (towards only those who agree to submit to me) means I am exercising restraint and control on myself. And that is always the goal of any Dom, to first be in control of himself before controlling others. I am dominant because I am almost always in the mindset to dominate and control.

This epiphany happened yesterday at the bar. A group of my friends were sitting around the table talking. There were some empty dinner plates on the table that were sort of in the way. Automatically I picked them up and cleared them from the table.

Seeing an action that is quite often attributed to someone in a submissive role, a kinky guy at the table said: “So, you’re being submissive now, huh?”

I thought long and hard. “No, this was not an act of submission on my part at all.”

I chose to clear the plates away.

It was something I wanted

…and I delegated the clearing of the plates to the person most willing and open to the task: myself!

I trust this new way of thinking will help me appreciate people who do “short acts of submission and bottoming to me” even more.