On Kink Contracts – The Positives
The following is from a social thread by The Kink Realm. It has been reproduced and adapted for public viewing on this website. Additional thoughts may have been added in this version.
So…. kink and contracts.
I’ve used/had them twice before. One was for a M/s (Master/slave) relationship where we simply outlined a few things (like the basic structure of our dynamic) and put our signature & date. We did refer back to it a few times over the years I was with him. Nothing major, but like checking your owner’s manual.
The other was for a D/s relationship where we’d played together before & had already developed a great rapport. I officially & formally petitioned him for ownership via written pronouncement of my desire to serve him. Maybe that doesn’t count quite as much as an official kink contract, but the language in it was contractual. It went over very, very well.
Here a clown, there a clown, but…
Someone (randomly overheard) denounced the use of contracts in kink. They said whoever makes you sign one is basically a clown… but………..
The keyword I took from their statement was “makes.” I guess some kinksters try to force their ways on others in the lifestyle, but contacts should be mutual. This includes all parts, from the language within the contract to the reasoning behind the necessity of the contract.
I can see a “clown” trying to prey on a vulnerable sub (or vice versa)… making them believe a contract is necessary when perhaps it is not, but for the REST of us…
The potential benefits of a contract
A contract, while an optional tool, can be very beneficial for some of us. My petition was a GREAT tool to express my submissive desires towards a particular D-type & to help solidify our D/s start.
If it doesn’t work…
I’ve always said, a kink contract is truly only as strong & binding as the continued consent & willingness of the parties who entered into it. So firstly, what’s the worst a kink contract can do? Like much of what we do, our bindings aren’t recognized legally. The worst that can happen is that you walk away from whatever dynamic you’ve created together. Hell, that happens with or without a contract.
But when it does work….
But for those who use them, a kink contract can be a tool for outlining wishes, expectations and concerns, and it can easily be revised to suit over time. As a “lists” person, I write out most any task I’m given. Being able to go back and reference those written words, if for nothing but clarity, is often quite helpful. The same general idea should apply to kink contracts. I sometimes reread lease agreements, phone plan details, most anything I’ve signed (don’t we all? maybe, maybe not ). A kink contract would be no different. Referencing the particulars of one’s contract down the road can be advantageous in various ways — a nice morale boost, a way of gaining clarification, the first step in future negotiations and even a way to uphold accountability within one’s dynamic.
A kink contract is also great for those who enjoy high protocol, even if only for limited times (brief high protocol). A contract is definitely a more highly structured tool and pairs well with the formality that high protocol brings. But it doesn’t have to be extremely formal, or even perfectly worded (as in legal contracts). A kink contract should simply be written to suit. Everything we do in kink should be custom to ourselves and our dynamics, as long as it’s consensual and not (unintentionally) harmful (“unintentionally harmful” for us masochists; “harm” is sometimes relative).
And lastly, kink contracts don’t have to be this ever-binding force between parties. A kink contract can easily be time-limited. Thanks to Master A for introducing me to this concept a few years back. A temporary, time-limited contract is great for specific terms of service. Serving in X capacity for 90 days is a prime example of how a line in a temporary contract could read. How to begin the service term, expectations during the service, and how to exit the term of service are a few additional agreements that can go in a temporary kink contract.
There are probably as many different styles, uses & reasons for kink contracts are there are lifestylers. Use ’em or not, it’s totally up to you!