How To Be a Kinkster in 3 Steps (PEA Model)

How To Be a Kinkster in 3 Steps (PEA Model)

Think you like some things about BDSM? Are you considering doing “kinky” things, maybe even “officially” joining “the lifestyle”?

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Who are kinksters?

There are about as many levels of lifestyle involvement as the ocean is inches deep. You’ll find those who exist closer to the surface, perhaps employing a few aspects of kink in their world. You’ll find those who are completely submerged in the kinky waters, living it 24/7 as a complete, packaged lifestyle.

All levels are valid levels. Most anyone who engages in “kinky” behaviors can label themselves as such, and many do. But for many others, there is more to kink than just a label, more than just knowing a few key terms, and more than just doing it. This article is about those people and the ones who want to be one of those people — a KINKSTER, one who fully embraces BDSM as a lifestyle – something lived regularly, consistently and as an integral part of their world, even if they don’t get to practice it as much as they’d like to!

For the purpose of this article, the terms “kinkster” and “lifestyler” will be used interchangeably and denote persons who would like to move beyond the level of “curious.” The terms “BDSM” and “kink” will also be tossed around, both as umbrella terms.

Also, more experienced kinksters may take this article as a bit of tongue-in-cheek, but as “how do I get started?” is one of the most frequently asked questions many of us get, these words may be a source of inspiration for that one kink-curious person who blossoms into a well-established vet.

How do I become one?

Fortunately, the path to becoming a kinkster isn’t a difficult one. There are 3 key steps, and you can actually begin calling yourself a part of the lifestyle as early as step 1! This isn’t one of those tricky plans that makes you pay in installments before you can enjoy a service or product. No, you’ll be a bona fide kinkster in no time flat! [Does this sound like an infomercial? It may, but it’s real!]

green peasThe Steps

Step 1. Passion

Step 2. Education

Step 3. Application

This is what I call the PEA model. It’s as simple as a green pea – easy to digest and good food for thought.

Step 1. Passion

Many of us had something a little bit kinky about us before we officially found the lifestyle. We were… kink-leaning, if you will. Even those who may not have been so kink-inspired, but somehow found our kinky world, chose to join in and participate because something within the kink realm piqued their curiosity enough to pursue it. For now, we’ll call that interest. If added to the PEA model, it would be the iPEA model, with an interest in kink being the leading step.

“Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.” – Henri Frederic Amiel

In kink, passion is that which moves you, fuels you, motivates you, draws you, pulls you in, stays on your mind, makes you want it, crave it, need it……. all so much so that you want to claim it. For some, that means claiming the title of submissive, dominant or other. Whatever it is, you like it and it’s sparked something deep inside you. That, my friend, is the energy of passion, and it’s the first thing you’ll need on your path to kinkdom. Hold on to it, because passion is what will fuel you throughout your entire journey.

Step 2. Education

If you are just starting in kink or curious about it, you’re right where every single one of us was at the beginning – in need of information. In fact, (as I personally don’t care for the term “expert” in BDSM) all of us should forever be in the “I’m getting my education” stage of kink, no matter how long we’ve been doing it and how much experience we’ve had. There is always something new to learn. As a novice, it’s vital to research any and all aspects of the lifestyle you may take an interest in, especially if you choose to engage with others. It is also helpful (and advised) to study BDSM-related topics you may feel you’re not currently interested in, as there is something to learn from parts of the kink world which we’ve not yet ventured in to.

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Knowledge being power, power exchange being the crux of kink dynamics, kink education is essential to each and every role lived in the lifestyle. It bases our history, our language, our understanding and our communication.

If you don’t know where to start (and as many say, “because it’s overwhelming, there’s so much” and it feels as if you’ll be swallowed up by it all), then start somewhere… anywhere. Find any single, simple topic and build your personal knowledge base so that your entry (and continuation) into kink is built on a solid footing. Just get started.

Step 3. Application

actionSo, you’ve got the passion for this, and you’ve begun to be educated in all things kink. Now it’s time to apply what you know. After all, in kink, education without actualization is, again, interest. To move from one who is interested in kink (and even knows a lot about it) to being a practitioner of kink, one must put that knowledge into action. There is no formal test for this, no perfectly detailed procedural manual and no solid outline to follow on how you obtain your experience (and thank goodness!); you just have to do it. From the (sometimes controversial) online-only D/s dynamic to occasional play to a full-time Master/slave relationship – from getting your feet wet to deep-sea diving style kink – lived experience is the best way to round out one’s education in kink.

Go to a munch (if you’re nervous, contact the organizer or greeter of the group and let them know it’s your first time; they will be helpful in breaking the ice for you). Engage with people online and at events (you may make good friends and even potential partners). Remember, everyone starts their kink journey off at the exact same level. For whatever your comfort level, just do it.