The Realms of D/s (An Addendum)
The 9 Levels of Submission is an article that has been around since long before I became “officially” kinky (-link-). It has stood as a submissive/slave declaration, of sorts, and has been passed from submissive to submissive, but it can also serve as a nice guideline for levels of dominance as well. I’m not quite sure how others feel about it as a valid educational/informational resource, but I appreciate the written distinction as it helps me understand my place.
If I may be so bold, I would like to propose an addendum to the article, or just some additional thoughts. I could call it “The Realms of Submission,” but I’d like to extend it to “The Realms of D/s” to include the dominant counterpart. This is meant to be more of a guide for considering the structure of one’s D/s, M/s, or top/bottom dynamic and less of a rigid set of operating instructions.
To put it simply, in what realms and to what degree in each realm do you practice or wish to actively practice D/s? The realms might include:
- Public or otherwise vanilla
- Non-vanilla public
- Private, non-sexual & non-intimate
3.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being “used” to gratify partner’s sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave’s” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).
For example, one may enjoy playing the role of maid but limit that roleplay to the bedroom, normally not being in that role unless there is the likelihood of some resulting intimate physical encounter. That person may be a “pseudo-submissive non-slave” (level 3) in the “sexual/bedroom/intimate” realm.
7.PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant’s property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave’s free time.
A “part-time consensual-but real slave” (level 7) may be expected (within the context of his/her dynamic) to give complete submission in all realms except the “public” realm. The public (or otherwise vanilla) realm might include times one spends around the boss, the kids, extended family & friends, and outings to the store, mall, movies etc.
The “non-vanilla public” realm might include munches, dungeons and miscellaneous intimate/kink-related settings where others outside of one’s immediate D/s or M/s relationship are present. One might expect the freedom to practice and exhibit their kinks more openly in this realm. In fact, protocols in this realm may be more stringent than in the private realms — a submissive might be expected, for example, to adhere more tightly to honorifics than he/she would at home in the “private” realm.
On the flip side, everyone has “down” time, but even in the more relaxed “private” realm, a sub/slave may be expected to live by arranged protocols. Those protocols could be more loose than those expected in the “non-vanilla public” realm. On a casual Saturday morning around the house, a sub might be able to get away with a “Yeah” response as opposed to a “Yes, Master” response that he/she would normally give while attending a dungeon, for instance.
There are no hard and fast rules for the level of active lifestyle participation for anyone, except what has been established within one’s own dynamic. How much anyone wants the lifestyle as a part of their everyday living, specific times or special occasions can be greatly varied. At the least, getting a feel for one’s desires and comfort level with D/s within the various realms can help to establish and customize the lifestyle to one’s life.