Two-way Aftercare

Two-way Aftercare

About this post

This post serves as more of a rant than an educational/informational piece. Grain of salt is complimentary.

On Subdrop

I have played a LOT over the years and have experienced varying degrees and depths of highs and lows as a result. The rush of endorphins can be exhilarating, and the coming down, or subdrop, can be opposingly equal in scope.

There are times when I experience no subdrop at all, or I am so engaged with life in general that I simply don’t have a spare moment to recognize it or attribute it to post-play symptoms. Generally, if I am going to experience it, the day after is my typical due date for the drops.

Everyone can experience drop in a different way. I normally feel very restless, maybe to the point of agitation, fidgety and unfocused. I feel as though the only real cure (or, what I want most) is to play again!

Recently, I experienced subdrop within hours of the last of our play. It hit me by surprise and I had to make adjustments to handle it. He was long gone… nearly hours away when the drop started. I needed to put on my big girl panties and do what was needed to level myself back out. Fortunately, I was able to talk with him. His assurance and understanding greatly helped, as did a couple of shots of cognac and a nice hard nap.

Begin <rant> #1

I tend to experience subdrop the most with harder, more involved play, but I think it’s important to recognize that highs and lows (or coming down) can happen from more that just physical interactions. My last drop was a result of the combination of heavily involved emotions, mental stimulation & efforts and a mix of play times.

I rarely hear talk of subspace, subdrop and the like without it being directly related to some type of physical contact. That does the lifestyle as a whole an injustice. While there are obviously plenty of kinksters and kink-friendlies who are solely into S&M type activities, many remain who embrace the lifestyle with all it’s bits and pieces, many of which involve absolutely no physical contact at all.

One can be put into a state of space, floating, a zone, with words and feelings alone. That is more powerful than the forward momentum of any flogger or whip. An emotional/mental force like that, strong enough to catapult the mind into a high sphere, erotic or not, surely can leave it’s subject feeling the same type of drop one might feel after heavy physical play.


My recent drop was after absolutely wonderful play and a great time serving. I wanted everything to be just right and really put my mental engine to work. My emotions followed accordingly.

Subdrop doesn’t have to be all bad. Just as pain lets you know you’re alive, subdrop lets you know it wasn’t just a dream. You were there. It happened. It was good.

On Aftercare

I believe in aftercare. The concept is solid and it serves a good purpose. I also happen to be one who believes that just because something is spoken a million times, it doesn’t necessarily hold it’s worth in salt.

After dropping, I was helped by talking about it. Hearing that soothing voice from the one who had just recently had me bound and beaten was comforting and easing. Different strokes – some may like to be cuddled while another likes a glass of wine. One friend likes chocolate post-play. I am all for whatever works.

Begin <rant> #2

What I am not for is the notion that the receiver, whether a bottom or a sub or a slave, expectedly ends up as some slinky crumpled ball of mess on the floor and needs some extravagant level of near-medical attention after a scene.

I have witnessed bottoms being catered to like queens on a throne, every wish being tended to, after what I would consider to be a short and mild, maybe moderate scene. Of course, some of these terms are subjective and relative, but just how helpless must one be after play?

I say that if your scene was so heavy that you are rendered incapacitated, perhaps that scene was just a level or so out of your capacity and evaluation is in order.

I also say this: it’s not all about you!! Recognize it takes (at least) two to tango! How is it we so easily forget our tops? Top space is real. It happens. It is real.

In all dynamics, M/s, D/s, top/bottom/switch combinations, each party gives and receives a lot. IMHO, it’s just as important for all to realize responsibility for the other parties involved. Aftercare should not be a one-way street.

Although we as bottoms may sometimes forget, or maybe simply not always understand the magnitude of it all, it’s imperative to take the one(s) who traveled with us into -space into full account and care for them as they care for us.

A kind reassuring word to let them know that what they just did to you IS OK with you can be helpful. Maybe it’s a glass of water and a smile. It doesn’t have to be a full-on production, but an offering of a peaceful state for all involved.


And as I write this, I am reciting it all to myself as my own personal mantra.