Kinky Revelations of BlkButterfly

Kinky Revelations of BlkButterfly

About this post

Begin:

I was kinky as a child. Most people would have called my perversions weird, and if they had known about them, surely would have dragged me off to counseling or the local clergy to help exorcise the freaky demons that inhabited my mind. Certainly no girl so young, so pure, so innocent should be the bearer of such aberrant thoughts and desires. Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, but these tales are not.

Part I

My earliest memory of a sexual nature dates back to when I was in the first years of elementary school. I was self-curious, so I began taking a closer look, if you will. I would go to my bathroom and lock the door. I’d take my mirror and place it strategically so I could view myself in all my glory. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know what I looked like. I remember being intrigued by the fact that I was dark on the outside and pink on the inside.

Part II

I had a neighbor who was a good friend of mine for years starting when we were very, very young. We grew up together. I suppose we both had a few personal kinks to work on straightening out, but instead, we ended up working together to explore the kinks. I don’t recall all the things we did, but I keenly remember one day in particular. We were only in elementary school; she was 1 year older than me. We spent most of our time together riding bikes, skateboarding, running from her Collie (we pretended he was a lion and we were Charlie’s Angels), and playing board games. On this day, we played inside.

Her house was 3 levels with her bedroom being one of two upstairs on the top level. We quietly retreated to her room as normal. We would often play in each other’s rooms for hours without being interrupted by the grown ups. But today wasn’t about board games or Barbie dolls. At some point, somehow, we ended up with pants off and the two of us on the floor.

I distinctly remember her instructing me to “put your mouth on it” and me complying. I don’t know how I knew or if I knew where to go, and certainly not what to do, but obviously I knew enough. I mean, I had seen the dirty magazines the boys brought to school and passed around (yes, in elementary school). I’d kept particular dirty pages hidden under my mattress, but remember being quite disappointed that the porn was incredibly soft.

The kinkery in this tale ended with a bit of a refreshing golden shower.

Part III

A simpler tale… I grew up with two friends who came to my hometown to stay each summer. I always enjoyed summers with the two sisters. One was a year older than me and one a year younger. We did all the girlie things and anything else to keep busy in my small, boring hometown. At that time, we had a pool table in our basement. The girls and I enjoyed a game on occasion. We would often challenge each other, not only in billiards, but in anything else we could think of.

One day, the older sister and I posed a challenge of insertion to the younger sister. We dared her to insert something into her “Great Divide” including a pool ball and pool cue. Nothing to see here… she did not accept the challenge, but I remember being anxious and excited at the prospect of this happening right before me.

Part IV

When I was around 14, I met a boy. This was no ordinary boy. Carl was around 16, tall, buff, appealing. His parents knew my parents and they came for a visit. It was all I could do to keep my eyes off him and not be found out by everyone around us. I met Carl a few more times after that either to my delight or my detriment, I’m not sure which. All I know is that I could not get this boy-man off my mind.

From that first day on I used him. It was a selfish relationship. I only thought about him to enhance, even define my solo pleasures. In my fantasy world, he would take me and have his way with me. As I got older so did Carl in my dreams. He grew to be more manly, more sophisticated, more cunning and more devious. He wouldn’t just take me, he schemed and planned and worked the chase. Sometimes he would trick me.. gain my confidence before ensnaring me into his trap. Other times he would have his way by use of blackmail.

From Carl spun other characters, but he will always be my first.

Part V

There was a guy from my hometown who I only knew of in passing. He was a year or so older than me and we never really associated in high school. Jim (name changed for this writing) was a regular guy, average to nice looking, average build, and average in every other way as far as I knew. I don’t remember him being a player or overly popular.

Fast forward to college. We both enrolled at the same university, but it wasn’t until my second year there that I (re-)connected with him. I realized he probably knew more about me than I’d known as he knew my mother and had done some work for her in the past. We became friends and spent some time here and there together. Jim had a car. In college, a guy having a car was a major deal to me. This helped facilitate our time spent.

One day I called Jim from my rented room in a nearby boarding house. The plan was to walk to his top floor dorm room for a friendly visit. This was nothing unusual. We often had friendly, platonic visits. I arrived at his room and knocked on the slightly open door. He yelled for me to come in, so I did. I instinctively closed the door behind me, again, nothing unusual. He was standing across the room near the window fiddling with something. I immediately noticed that something was unusual about him. His demeanor was a bit…off. He wasn’t his normal semi-dorky self. Nope..on this day Jim was in a mood.

We talked for a bit. I don’t remember about what, but the feeling in the air began to change. It seemed as though he’d begun to challenge me in some way. I had a not-so-comfortable feeling and stood up, prepared to exit stage right.

At that moment he darted over to me and grabbed me by both my arms. He kissed me. This wasn’t your average guy, average kiss. It was demanding and forceful. I couldn’t get away. As he continued kissing me he began backing me up and turned me around slightly until my back was against the wall. He stopped kissing me long enough to reach down, grab both my wrists, yank my arms by the wrists above my head and maneuver himself to hold both wrists with one hand. He placed his mouth on mine and started with the kissing again, firmly…keeping me from moving my head or yelling. With his other hand he reached down and made his way into my pants. He was some kind of freak of nature magician. I don’t know how else he managed to do that, but he not only made his way into my pants, but into my panties. His fingers crawled down and into my panties until he reached his goal. He began to finger me. He shoved his finger in so hard that he was able to use his force to raise me up against the wall with my feet off the ground.

Then suddenly he stopped. He stopped kissing me. He stopped fingering me. His grip around my wrists loosened and I slipped back to the floor. It was as if something went off in his head. He looked me in the eyes and said with surprise “You’re wet!”

By this time I was in such shock at what this seemingly meek man had done to me that the embarrassment of my body’s total betrayal was too much to bear. I ran away. I left his room as fast as I could without raising too many eyebrows from his dorm mates. I sped back to my boarding house. I sat outside on the stoop, shaken up, and nervously smoked a Salem Slim Light.

After a few minutes, Jim showed up in his car with the hopes of talking about what had happened. I couldn’t do it. I was ashamed and guilty… guilty of being turned on by something that most women would have called the cops to report. I tossed my smoke and went inside the house to curl up. I never spoke to Jim again, and he’ll never know it, but I give him credit for opening my eyes to a kink I’d only ever experienced in the dark recesses of my mind.

Fast forward

I remained Lil Miss Vanilla for a short while after that incident. I finished school, started a career, got married and birthed my first spawn. However, I was still unsettled. There was something askew in my world and I was anxious to set it straight. For me, the answer was roles.

Before marrying, I already had an inclination that the roles my future hubby and I were currently assuming were not quite in line with what made me comfortable. I married anyway, never really hitting this topic with him head on. We continued on, but simple things raised miniature red flags with me, like the fact that I was going around our home shimming hinges on doors, installing thermostats and balancing the ceiling fans. (!!) A neighbor actually once said we had our roles mixed up.

Now, anyone who has seen my many rants and statements knows I am 110% for any- and everyone pursuing what works best for them in their life, and I believe in doing the same for my life. Many will argue against a patriarchal-run household, but that is what works for me. After trying to do traditionally man-run household management AND birth two babies AND hold full-time employment (sometimes more), I understood why it’s so important to have roles. I understood that this is very important to me personally. I needed it.

Finding Kinkdom

I came across some people in a chat room one day while surfing online… back in the day of 14.4k dial-up when all we really got was about 5.6k. I had heard mention of this “BDSM” before, but had very little knowledge of it until now. I was awed by the information being put before me as well as how people were relating to one another.

It only took a matter of minutes, literally, to understand I was finally home. Like having a symptom and having a doctor tell you what syndrome you have, I’d definitively found a name for what I felt, wanted, desired, needed in my life. The only difference? This was no syndrome, no illness and no disease from which I needed a cure.

I delved head first into the lifestyle by doing lots of reading & researching, talking and asking questions. I knew immediately and without question that I was a submissive spirit and this was my station in life, one I’ve luckily never felt the need to question in the years since that first few moments as a kinkster.

Much respect goes to the many who came before me and paved the path for education and comfort for folks like me, including (but far from limited to) Dr. Gloria Brame, Jay Wiseman, Viola (Vi, V.M.) Johnson and the webmasters of Castle Realm.

The end.